I'm trying so hard. I'm trying to be strong and still maintain part of who I am. But when it comes to it i'm so scared and so lost and so hurt. It's not like this is easy. I needed my best friend back and i'm so thankful you are back. But at the same time I've changed my personality so much now it's like who am I? In a lot of ways seems I'm becoming what I always opposed. Why?
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Cant express feelings.....
I can't even fully express the feelings I have rushing through me. I am both hurt, heartbroken, confused, yet hopeful optimistic too. I don't know where you stand still and I just keep wanting to cry and bury myself somewhere. I just can't imagine you completely regretting and pushing aside everything we meant to each other. I just wish you could read this and see into my heart....there isn't a doubt in my mind how much I love you and how we belong together. I am not going to beg you or hunt you down....I'm simply going to wait here where you left me never loving you any less and cherishing every single memory we have made and holding out hope for many many more to come. :/ I.love.you. Please don't stay gone.
Friday, November 16, 2012
I Am!
I Am! |
||
| by John Clare | ||
I am! yet what I am none cares or knows, My friends forsake me like a memory lost; I am the self-consumer of my woes, They rise and vanish in oblivious host, Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost; And yet I am! and live with shadows tost Into the nothingness of scorn and noise, Into the living sea of waking dreams, Where there is neither sense of life nor joys, But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems; And e'en the dearest—that I loved the best— Are strange—nay, rather stranger than the rest. I long for scenes where man has never trod; A place where woman never smil'd or wept; There to abide with my creator, God, And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept: Untroubling and untroubled where I lie; The grass below—above the vaulted sky. | ||
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Truths
Life-
not all it may seem-
dark, trying
wanting to be done
Smiles-
not always true-
hiding hurt
behind a mask of lies
Tears-
not always a sign of weakness-
strong cry too
just may not always be noticed
Laughter-
not always genuine-
forced, fake
no telling what is really on the mind
Hearts-
not unbreakable-
strong, fragile
treat with care or it'll be gone
Truth? -
not always clear-
present, important
do you know what is really truths?
not all it may seem-
dark, trying
wanting to be done
Smiles-
not always true-
hiding hurt
behind a mask of lies
Tears-
not always a sign of weakness-
strong cry too
just may not always be noticed
Laughter-
not always genuine-
forced, fake
no telling what is really on the mind
Hearts-
not unbreakable-
strong, fragile
treat with care or it'll be gone
Truth? -
not always clear-
present, important
do you know what is really truths?
Friday, November 9, 2012
Control Freaks
There is so much pain, hurt, and control in this world. Why would someone who is suppose to help benefit another cause harm on them. There is such a thing as guidance and then becoming an oppressive obsessive person who is a control freak is an all together different thing. Don't they realize their actions simply push people away. They aren't benefiting anyone and frankly they should soon realize that they do not have ultimate control over everyone. It's just one of those moments where you shake your head wondering what on earth goes through people's minds when acting like that.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Life experiences influence reactions
Learned today that the way I interpret things is because of life experiences. Usually how we look at life depends on the different experiences we have had throughout our own life. One person may read or view on thing a certain way because of a past negative event they went through, while another may see it completely differently because of something they went through. So see when you want to make a joke about someone maybe reacting in what you think is a 'weird way' to something which you think is normal. Stop and don't judge! Because we never know for sure where those emotions and reactions are coming from.
Friday, September 21, 2012
People types
Oh People.Yes people in general. The more time i spend around people and the more I learn the more I realize that in many ways I can't stand people!
There are people who are like dictators. Be it at work, family, school, or just public life. These people decide that they are right and insist on attempting to enforce their view on others, and keep everyone trapped below them. Their power comes from the amount of control and 'brain-washing' they can achieve. They will not tolerate being proven wrong or argued against. These are the people who make standing up for your own opinions and believes terribly trying and hard.There are too many people today running businesses, famalies, schools, and so on like this...why do you think our world is in so much turmoil?
There are people who can be described in two words...hypocrites and fakes. These are the people who say one thing and do another. They set out to only put themselves ahead and they put their abilities to work in fooling the world and people. They do not hesitate to jump at an opportunity to 'act the part' when it isn't even relatively close to their true selves. They change their personality depending on the people,place, and situation...true sincerity is far from one of their qualities. These people often are the ones who give people groups bad names because they are vocal and unafraid to flaunt what they feel they have achieved.
There are also people who are so nieve and are easily walked on. These people see the world in only a positive light. They are willing to willingly follow what 'leaders' decide to do and rarely question it. They often times open themselves up to being taken advantage of and consistently, and not always on purpose, put themselves much lower than others. They do not acknowledge doubts about a persons intentions and often times end up hurt or in a bad situation because they turned a blind eye to a situation.
There are people who simply don't care what you think about them. Now this can be both a negative or positive way to live. When you don't spend all of your time worried about what people may think of you or what they may decide is right or wrong for you (if unreasonable) you often accomplish more. However if you go to the extreme and just go completely wild it will not be beneficial for you at all. When you are able to laugh at yourself and speak your mind freely you have a better grasp of where you fit in and where you can be affective. Striving to Not let people control you or your emotions often is beneficial because you no longer worry about what they think of you.
There are also people who have sincere hearts and intentions.These people are the ones who are die hard and sincere about thier passions. They speak their mind and they share passionately what are their believes and why. These people will not shy away from engaging you in a discussion and they often times will be excited for the chance. They are not motivated by personal fame or glory, it is often a much deeper connection. When you encounter these people they can be described as this a 'real person' they will be 'real with you'. There aren't many smoke and mirrors present 'what you see is what you get'.
Well these are just 5 types of people I tend to come into contact with alot, at least I have been lately, and there are many others I could list. We need to remember though that although we all fit a category we do not need to waste our time judging. Because we have ourselves to be consious of and responsible for.
There are people who are like dictators. Be it at work, family, school, or just public life. These people decide that they are right and insist on attempting to enforce their view on others, and keep everyone trapped below them. Their power comes from the amount of control and 'brain-washing' they can achieve. They will not tolerate being proven wrong or argued against. These are the people who make standing up for your own opinions and believes terribly trying and hard.There are too many people today running businesses, famalies, schools, and so on like this...why do you think our world is in so much turmoil?
There are people who can be described in two words...hypocrites and fakes. These are the people who say one thing and do another. They set out to only put themselves ahead and they put their abilities to work in fooling the world and people. They do not hesitate to jump at an opportunity to 'act the part' when it isn't even relatively close to their true selves. They change their personality depending on the people,place, and situation...true sincerity is far from one of their qualities. These people often are the ones who give people groups bad names because they are vocal and unafraid to flaunt what they feel they have achieved.
There are also people who are so nieve and are easily walked on. These people see the world in only a positive light. They are willing to willingly follow what 'leaders' decide to do and rarely question it. They often times open themselves up to being taken advantage of and consistently, and not always on purpose, put themselves much lower than others. They do not acknowledge doubts about a persons intentions and often times end up hurt or in a bad situation because they turned a blind eye to a situation.
There are people who simply don't care what you think about them. Now this can be both a negative or positive way to live. When you don't spend all of your time worried about what people may think of you or what they may decide is right or wrong for you (if unreasonable) you often accomplish more. However if you go to the extreme and just go completely wild it will not be beneficial for you at all. When you are able to laugh at yourself and speak your mind freely you have a better grasp of where you fit in and where you can be affective. Striving to Not let people control you or your emotions often is beneficial because you no longer worry about what they think of you.
There are also people who have sincere hearts and intentions.These people are the ones who are die hard and sincere about thier passions. They speak their mind and they share passionately what are their believes and why. These people will not shy away from engaging you in a discussion and they often times will be excited for the chance. They are not motivated by personal fame or glory, it is often a much deeper connection. When you encounter these people they can be described as this a 'real person' they will be 'real with you'. There aren't many smoke and mirrors present 'what you see is what you get'.
Well these are just 5 types of people I tend to come into contact with alot, at least I have been lately, and there are many others I could list. We need to remember though that although we all fit a category we do not need to waste our time judging. Because we have ourselves to be consious of and responsible for.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Senior year nearly here
Senior year is coming up fast...last week of the summer now.
I can't believe I'm already a senior time has completely flown.
There is so very much coming up and so many big decisons to make.
It's nice to know that I'm not facing all these crazy decisons alone.
I've got a pretty big and powerful God on my side.
I also have my best friend and love of my life there beside me too.
My plan for this year?
Well I'm gonna make every day count.
Make memories that will last forever, and never be caught without my camera.
I can't believe I'm already a senior time has completely flown.
There is so very much coming up and so many big decisons to make.
It's nice to know that I'm not facing all these crazy decisons alone.
I've got a pretty big and powerful God on my side.
I also have my best friend and love of my life there beside me too.
My plan for this year?
Well I'm gonna make every day count.
Make memories that will last forever, and never be caught without my camera.
His...
Love...being in love...even though it has its ups and downs its all worth it. Why is it worth it? What makes it worth it?
His smile...reflecting his personality and giving away that he's in love with me too.
His laugh...on constant replay in my mind reminding me of his happiness and joy.
His hugs...those tight, long hugs that never seem to end letting me know he wants me close.
His heartbeat...my favorite sound to hear so steady and constant.
His goodnight calls...telling me that I'm on his mind and we hear eachothers voice before we fall asleep.
His cheesey little phrases...his way of expressing what he feels and they always make me laugh.
Walks to the park, or movies together...fun sweet memories being made every time.
His heart...one that is centered on God and that I know I am in as well.
Why is it worth it? What makes it worth it? Well there's a few of my reasonings. I would have never been able to try and explain it before but now I can.
Why can I? Because I have him in my life...my perfect other half who I plan on spending the rest of my whole life with.
His smile...reflecting his personality and giving away that he's in love with me too.
His laugh...on constant replay in my mind reminding me of his happiness and joy.
His hugs...those tight, long hugs that never seem to end letting me know he wants me close.
His heartbeat...my favorite sound to hear so steady and constant.
His goodnight calls...telling me that I'm on his mind and we hear eachothers voice before we fall asleep.
His cheesey little phrases...his way of expressing what he feels and they always make me laugh.
Walks to the park, or movies together...fun sweet memories being made every time.
His heart...one that is centered on God and that I know I am in as well.
Why is it worth it? What makes it worth it? Well there's a few of my reasonings. I would have never been able to try and explain it before but now I can.
Why can I? Because I have him in my life...my perfect other half who I plan on spending the rest of my whole life with.
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