The Past

I keep trying to forget about the past but it's not all that easy to get it to just go away.

Sometimes I catch myself missing old inside jokes with my friends. Some days I just want to go exploring again with you. Some nights I find myself still missing random late night car rides with the bass up. Some times I really just miss the days when we would all go hang out at the park and swim in the lake. Some nights I really miss movie nights with my friends. Some days I wish I could go back to playing tag at recess again.

Then there are other thoughts..
Sometimes I remember stupid choices I made...wishing that mistake could be erased but it keeps reappearing. Some days I wake up hoping for things to be like they use to be then reality sets in. Some nights I wake up shaken and bothered and not even entirely sure why. Some days I carry my broken heart on my sleeve and the scars of life show. Some nights I fall asleep crying everything just taking its toll on me.

Then at times I find strength and encouragement....
I remember the times in the past when I had my best friend supporting me. I remember that during those mistakes and problems I wasn't totally alone. Some days the sun seems a little bit brighter and life a little more bearable.

But in reality nothing changes...the past doesn't go away.

I may not live in the past anymore but it's attached to me I can't seem to get rid of it. Oh the things it messes up.
I lost the one person I always had in my life and always wanted. He didn't believe. Life weighs a person down and they hit low points and sometimes can't shake it all off.

 The past should be a lesson but it can be so painful and so strong little progress is made from it.
No one ever said life would be easy....but I just wish the past would go away and reminders would vanish with it too.....
 

Cant express feelings.....

I can't even fully express the feelings I have rushing through me. I am both hurt, heartbroken, confused, yet hopeful optimistic too. I don't know where you stand still and I just keep wanting to cry and bury myself somewhere. I just can't imagine you completely regretting and pushing aside everything we meant to each other. I just wish you could read this and see into my heart....there isn't a doubt in my mind how much I love you and how we belong together. I am not going to beg you or hunt you down....I'm simply going to wait here where you left me never loving you any less and cherishing every single memory we have made and holding out hope for many many more to come. :/ I.love.you. Please don't stay gone.

I Am!
by John Clare
I am! yet what I am none cares or knows, My friends forsake me like a memory lost; I am the self-consumer of my woes, They rise and vanish in oblivious host, Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost; And yet I am! and live with shadows tost Into the nothingness of scorn and noise, Into the living sea of waking dreams, Where there is neither sense of life nor joys, But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems; And e'en the dearest—that I loved the best— Are strange—nay, rather stranger than the rest. I long for scenes where man has never trod; A place where woman never smil'd or wept; There to abide with my creator, God, And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept: Untroubling and untroubled where I lie; The grass below—above the vaulted sky.

His...

Love...being in love...even though it has its ups and downs its all worth it. Why is it worth it? What makes it worth it?

His smile...reflecting his personality and giving away that he's in love with me too.

His laugh...on constant replay in my mind reminding me of his happiness and joy.

His hugs...those tight, long hugs that never seem to end letting me know he wants me close.

His heartbeat...my favorite sound to hear so steady and constant.

His goodnight calls...telling me that I'm on his mind and we hear eachothers voice before we fall asleep.

His cheesey little phrases...his way of expressing what he feels and they always make me laugh.

Walks to the park, or movies together...fun sweet memories being made every time.

His heart...one that is centered on God and that I know I am in as well.


Why is it worth it? What makes it worth it? Well there's a few of my reasonings. I would have never been able to try and explain it before but now I can.

Why can I? Because I have him in my life...my perfect other half who I plan on spending the rest of my whole life with.
 

Chance

Some days it all seems too much

You want to throw in the towel...and give up

The friends who once were there

Hurt you and don't seem to care

You keep on smiling

While the days are never ending

They may mean well

But it seems you're going through hell

You've been lost before

Doubts were asailing you to the core

The fear of forever alone

It chills you to the bone

Then suddenly it changes

Everything rearranges

Feelings you can't explain

Things will never be the same

Hold your breath and take a chance

See what may come from that first dance



He's still around...but now you know someone oh so much better!

I've reached that point where your world decides to turn upside down again.
I still see the person who made me want to give up on love.
Occassionally...I wonder why I had to meet all of them in the past.
Friends we will stay... that's clear to see...and it's better that way.

Just when you feel like giving up is the only choice left.
A person who seems like they could be your other half appears.
Now you see why things needed to change, and you hope this time it's real and lasts.
Good friends now...but maybe we'll see...we could possibly be more...in a way more complete.

Life:

Life:
There's not a lot you can control that happens to you.
Sometimes it seems too many things are thrown at you.
At moments it seems that nothing will work out for you.
Maybe at times you will decide some stuff is just not for you.
Life can be unpredictable about the outcomes that affect you.
But there is one thing that will never change...
It will never be unpredictable...
The same today as yesterday and the future
The only thing in life that you can always count on....
Is none other than the Lord Jesus Christ!

<3